Karen was worried it would be difficult to find someone willing to wear the costume she had rented. But to her surprise, head usher Ralph Billings volunteered. What she didn’t know was that Ralph had an ulterior motive. He had always disapproved of the unhealthy candy that Karen put in the plastic eggs she hid around the church grounds. But everybody had shouted down his annual suggestion to use healthy snacks instead of jellybeans and marshmallow chicks.
The photo op was scheduled at the beginning of the party before the kids became covered in dye and grass stains. Karen dragged a chair out near some bushes at the edge of the back lawn and surrounded it with bouquets of spring flowers. Ralph donned the costume and took his place in the diorama as the first families started to arrive.
Most of the kids were delighted by the giant purple Easter bunny and happy to sit on his lap to get their pictures taken. Two year-old Susie Boyer was the exception. Despite her parents’ pleas, she wouldn’t go near the oversized rabbit.
After about half an hour everyone moved inside to dye eggs. This was the opportunity Ralph was waiting for. He had surreptitiously watched out the window as Karen hid the plastic eggs around the lawn before the party, memorizing their location. Now that he was alone he quickly went around replacing the candy in the eggs with small packets of baby carrots. He figured the kids would understand that carrots were the kind of treats that a real bunny would give away.
As much fun as the children were having dying their hands, clothes, the tables, the floor of the social hall and even the occasional egg a multitude of colors, they quickly abandoned the activity when Karen announced it was time for the Easter egg hunt. Messy crafts were cool but candy was candy.
That excitement turned to disappointment and then to anger as the kids discovered the contents of the plastic eggs. Karen was a little miffed as well. She sidled up to Ralph and hissed, “Where’s all that candy I bought?”
Ralph just shrugged. After all, Karen had given him strict orders not to talk while in costume.
Meanwhile, the kids endeavored to work out the nature of this strange phenomenon on their own. Six year-old Tyler Park thought he’d deduced the answer. Clearly the Easter bunny was an imposter. Tyler suspected a leprechaun was behind the ruse, perhaps as part of a rivalry between St. Patrick’s Day and Easter.
“What do we do,” asked Mary Boyer, Susie’s older sister by two years.
“We use his trick against him,” Tyler declared.
Karen was still trying to grill the unresponsive rabbit when the children charged. They turned the plastic eggs into weapons, pelting the faux Easter bunny without mercy. Karen scrambled out of the line of fire, and then tried to regain control of the kids. She did not succeed.
Tammy Billings, Ralph’s wife and the church secretary, watched the assault with horror. She grabbed Karen. “We’ve got to do something,” Tammy cried.
“We need candy,” Karen declared.
Tammy’s eyes lit up. “I know where we can get some!”
She ran for the church office. Pastor Henry O’Donnell was a fan of a certain brand of toffee-filled chocolate egg that was only available at Easter time. Each year he stocked up on several boxes so he could enjoy them in the months after Easter. Strangely, no matter how many boxes he bought, he usually went through them in about a week. Tammy knew that the pastor kept his stash in his bottom left desk drawer.
Meanwhile, Ralph was trying unsuccessfully to distract the attacking horde of kids by doing a little dance. The plastic eggs didn’t hurt him through the heavy costume but he didn’t want the kids to waste their carrots.
Susie did not quite understand what was going on but she did like throwing things and so she joined in the bombardment of the big purple bunny. In her excitement, her fear of the large creature drained away.
The plastic eggs may not have done any damage to Ralph on impact but one did finally find its way under foot, causing him to slip and fall. And when Susie saw the big, fluffy, no-longer-scary bunny lying on the ground she ran up and jumped on top of it, landing right on its crotch.
Up to this point Ralph had managed to avoid speaking. But the unexpected impact of the two year-old on a rather sensitive part of his body elicited a single word that was not really appropriate for bunnies or people to use in polite society. The kids reacted to this outburst by screaming and fleeing. Susie didn’t quite understand this either, but she also liked to run and scream so she joined in this new game as well.
Ralph crawled back toward the church building to find an ice pack.
Unfortunately he reached the door just as Tammy burst out shouting, “Candy” and waving the boxes of chocolate toffee eggs in the air. The door hit Ralph in the head, knocking him over.
The children’s fear of the swearing leprechaun disguised as a bunny was forgotten at the mention of candy. They swarmed Tammy who broke open the boxes and passed out the eggs while Ralph dragged himself inside.
Two minutes later the kids were all sitting quietly on the grass stuffing the treats into their mouths.
Five minutes after that they were tearing around the lawn on a sugar high.
And Ralph spent the rest of the afternoon searching stores for boxes of the chocolate toffee eggs to replace Pastor O’Donnell’s stash.
Happy Easter!
*
No comments:
Post a Comment