The Sunburn

Hear the story read by the author.

In the town of Normal, Pennsylvania, there’s a little church at the corner of Wilson and Elm. Last Sunday morning, Senior Pastor Henry O’Donnell stood in his bathroom in his underwear examining himself in the mirror. For the most part, the pastor’s complexion was his usual pasty white. But most of his left arm glowed bright red like a freshly boiled lobster. Which was ironic because a lobster was the cause of his sunburn.

He had been driving back from a meeting in Harrisburg on Saturday at about one in the afternoon, heading for practice with the church softball team, the Miracles. A sack lunch his wife Jennifer had made sat on the passenger seat, though Henry wasn’t enthusiastic about the contents. Jennifer had been attempting to get him to eat healthier for years. It was an uphill battle. The one weapon she had was that Henry didn’t like to cook. So she made him salads and he ate them because it was easier than making something for himself.

He had just about built up enough of an appetite to be tempted by the salad in today’s sack lunch when he passed Muriel’s Seafood Shack. A hand-lettered banner advertised a fresh Maine lobster special.

He knew he shouldn’t stop. He was already going to be late to practice and it was no secret Henry needed more practice than most of the team. The Miracles’ next game was against the Shepherds, a team from a Presbyterian mega-church. They had become something of a rival in the mind of the Miracles’ coach, Shane Reed, as the Shepherds trounced the Miracles every year. Shane had told the team that he intended this year to be different.

Henry spun the car into Muriel’s dirt parking lot. Truth be told, Henry didn’t care nearly as much about beating the Shepherds as Shane did.

“Shack” was an apt descriptor for Muriel’s establishment. Muriel and her small staff did the cooking in an unpainted wooden hut, and the diners ate outside at a motley collection of picnic tables. After getting his fresh lobster platter at the shack’s window, Henry decided to skip the tables and eat in the shade of a nearby tree. He had the salad Jennifer made him as his side dish.

Afterward he decided he better let the big meal settle for a few minutes before engaging in any athletic endeavors. But the day was sunny and warm, and with his belly full of lobster, Henry fell asleep. Unfortunately, his left arm sprawled out of the shade, and thus the sunburn that he was currently examining.

The burn stung, but that wasn’t Henry’s chief concern. Because of his unplanned nap, he’d never made it to softball practice. He had called Shane’s cell phone as soon as he’d woken up and left a message that he had, “been delayed coming home from my meeting.” Henry felt a little guilty that he was vague about what had delayed him, but reminded himself that the commandment was “Thou shalt not lie,” not “Thou shalt not be vague.”

However if Shane saw the sunburn at church that morning he might start asking uncomfortable questions. Fortunately, once Henry put on a long sleeved dress shirt, the only part of the sunburn that was exposed was his hand. It was another warm day, but the church was air-conditioned and it wasn’t at all unusual for Henry to wear a suit to preach, even in the heat of summer. “I’m doing it out of reverence to God, not an attempt to deceive Shane,” he told himself.

All through the service, Henry kept his left hand hidden behind the pulpit, making all his gestures with his right hand. And he tucked his left hand behind his back when he greeted the congregation as they departed the sanctuary. Not a single person noticed the sunburn.

When the sanctuary was empty, he thrust his left hand into his pocket and went into the social hall. He was distressed to see that the mission committee was hosting coffee hour and Missy Moore had brought mini cinnamon rolls. Henry loved mini cinnamon rolls. But he couldn’t figure out a dignified way to hold a plate and eat them with only one hand. So he settled for a cup of coffee.

Shane and Missy joined him. “Did you get some cinnamon rolls, pastor?” Missy asked.

“No,” Henry said, “Jennifer’s been on me to lose some weight.” He privately congratulated himself on the truth of that statement.

“We missed you at practice yesterday,” Shane said.

“I know,” Henry replied. “Some of those meetings I have to attend can be pretty boring.” No lie there, either!

“You missed a hilarious moment,” Missy continued. She was the team’s catcher. “Del was running to home plate and he tried to slide and came to a stop a good three feet short!”

She guffawed, and in her mirth, grabbed Henry’s left arm. Stinging pain shot through him as her fingers dug into the sunburn, but Henry managed to fake a chuckle. He wiped a tear away from his eye with his right forearm and said, “Hilarious.”

Henry downed the rest of his coffee so he would have a reason to excuse himself. As he was refilling his cup, Del Winslow came over.

“I have some books to donate to the reading room,” Del said, “but they’re in my trunk and I hurt my back at softball practice yesterday. Would you mind giving me a hand?”

“Sure,” Henry replied and followed Del out to the parking lot.

“We have to do something about Missy Moore,” Del said as he handed Henry the box of books. “The woman is a menace. Her ineptitude is the reason I hurt my back.”

“Was that when you were sliding into home and came up short?”

“Did she tell you that?” Del demanded. “I came up short because she was playing out of position. If she’d been where she was supposed to be, I would have been able to time my slide properly and I wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

“I sympathize,” Henry said, “but Shane’s the coach. This sounds like a matter for him.”

“I agree, and there he is. Shane!” Henry looked over his shoulder and discovered that Shane had just exited the church. Henry quickly shifted the box of books under his right arm and stuck his left hand in his pocket.

Shane joined them and Del proceeded to explain again how Missy’s poor play had resulted in his injury. He then added several other complaints, including her offensive sense of humor, laughing at him when he was injured. Frankly, Henry didn’t think he had much of a case. However, to be fair, the pastor pretty much quit listening after ten minutes. The sun was beating down mercilessly and his arm was aching from the heavy box and he could feel sweat trickling down his back and beading on his forehead and now his arm had gone completely numb and Del’s face was starting to look weirdly blurry…

“Are you alright?” Shane asked, bringing Henry back to the conversation. Both Del and Shane were studying him with concern.

“It’s just, it’s kind of hot out here…” Henry replied faintly.

“We better get you inside before you get heat stroke,” Shane said, taking the box of books from him. As the circulation returned to his weary arm, Henry felt a sudden urge to kiss Shane, possibly a sign that heat stroke had already set in.

They brought Henry into the social hall and Shane got him a cup of water. “Take off your tie and roll up your sleeves,” Del suggested.

“Um, actually, I have a T-shirt in my office. I’ll go change into that.” It was true; Henry did have a T-shirt in the office. A church camp had given it to him as a thank-you for filling in at their chapel service once. It was too small for him, but it would be cooler than his dress shirt.

Henry staggered into his office and closed the door. He immediately peeled off his sweat-soaked dress shirt and tie, and stood under the air conditioning vent, letting the cool air wash over him.

His body temperature had just about dropped back to normal when someone knocked. “Pastor, are you all right?” Shane asked through the door.

“Uh, just a minute!” Henry called. He scrambled for the T-shirt, but realized it would not cover the sunburn on his arm. He turned to get his dress shirt and, in his haste, tripped over his chair. He sprawled on the floor with a thud.

Shane threw open the door, fearful the pastor had fainted.

“What happened!” Shane cried.

“I tripped,” Henry said. “I’m okay though.”

Then Shane noticed his arm. “How’d you get that sunburn?”

Henry sighed. It was time to tell the whole truth.

He explained about the lobster and falling asleep and added a profuse apology for missing practice. When he was done, he waited to see what Shane would say.

Shane thought for several moments. “Tell you what. You handle this thing with Missy and Del and we’ll call it even.”

Henry nodded his agreement. He supposed it was a fitting punishment for not coming clean right away.

Later that afternoon the Miracles lost to the Shepherds once again, but it had nothing to do with Henry missing practice or even Del’s injured back. The Shepherds were just superior ballplayers.

The Ringer - Part Two

Hear the story read by the author.

In the town of Normal, Pennsylvania, there’s a little church at the corner of Wilson and Elm. Choir director Shane Reed, coach of the church softball team, the “Miracles,” was facing a problem. He’d brought on a new player, Audra Park, a pretty young single mother on whom he had a secret crush. But not everyone on the team was such a fan of Audra as Shane.

Not that Audra wasn’t good. She had been an all-star softball player in high school. But since joining the Miracles she’d gotten into the habit of barking out advice to the other players on the team. Her advice was always correct but not always appreciated. And she had usurped Del Winslow’s accustomed position at first base.

Furthermore, the two teenage girls on the Miracles, Katie and Tabitha, had gotten angry at Audra for stealing the attention of Steve and Blake, two boys from another team. The girls had fallen in love with them at first sight, but Steve and Blake were distracted when they learned Audra’s brother worked for the Pittsburgh Penguins hockey team. To make matters worse, the hussy had promised to get them game tickets. Katie and Tabitha quit the Miracles in protest.

Which left Shane with a hole in center field, a hole he needed to fill with a woman according to the co-ed league’s rules.

He found the solution in the church’s young associate pastor, Michelle Tellum. Not that Michelle was exactly eager to add another activity to her busy schedule. But Shane pointed out that the team was a good opportunity for church fellowship and that if he couldn’t recruit another woman they would have to disband. The appeal to Michelle’s pastoral commitment worked.

Shane arrived at the next practice happy to have solved his problem. His spirit faltered, however, when he saw Thad Wheeling playing catch with Audra’s six-year-old son Tyler. Audra was looking at Thad appreciatively and even touched his arm briefly when it was time to take the field. A pang of jealousy shot through Shane.

Shane didn’t know whether Thad was interested in Audra but he did know that Thad was younger than him, very handsome and very witty. He also knew Thad was single. And if Thad did have romantic designs on Audra then Shane thought it was a little underhanded of him to use Tyler to get to her.

On the other hand there was that old saying: all’s fair in love and war.

So after practice while everyone was packing up, Shane trotted over to Tyler. “Want to play some catch,” he asked.

“Nah,” Tyler said, not looking up from his comic book.

“Aw, c’mon,” Shane exhorted pulling the boy gently down out of the bleachers.

They tossed the ball back and forth, Shane shouting encouragement to the bored six-year-old. After a bit Shane glanced around to see if Audra was noticing how good he was with her son.

Audra was not noticing. She was busy talking to Thad by the drinking fountain. Thad said something that made her laugh and when she laughed her ponytail bounced fetchingly.

In his distracted state, Shane threw the ball back to Tyler a little harder than he’d intended. The boy missed the catch and the ball hit him in the face. Tyler wailed in pain.

Audra came running. Shane was devastated and apologetic. Fortunately Tyler had only suffered a bloody nose. Audra assured Shane that Tyler would be fine, but thought she better get him home.

As Shane watched them drive off, Thad slapped him on the shoulder and said, “Don’t worry about it. Kids get bloody noses all the time.”

Shane fought down his true feelings long enough to thank Thad for his kind words.

Sure enough, by the time the team gathered for the game that weekend Tyler and Audra seemed to have forgotten all about the incident. But Shane noticed that Tyler ran over to greet Thad when he arrived. The kid had not shown similar excitement toward Shane.

The game itself was a nail biter thanks to Audra’s seven RBI’s. Going into the final inning the Miracles were down by only one and batting last. The first batter was Senior Pastor Henry O’Donnell who hit a double to put the tying run on second.

Michelle was up next. After watching a ball and a strike, Michelle made a solid hit, sending the ball bouncing down the third base line. She dropped the bat and started to run.

However her first step landed squarely on the bat. Her ankle rolled and she fell to the ground with a cry. The third baseman snagged the ball and tossed it to first, giving the Miracles one out. But even worse Michelle couldn’t put any weight on her right foot without horrible pain.

Audra came up to the plate. The opposing pitcher intended to walk her but Audra wasn’t about to allow that. She stepped forward as the third ball sailed wide and took a swing. The ball flew out to left field and bounced up to the fence. Audra took off, rounded the bases, and scored a two-run in-the-park home run. The Miracles had won.

Their celebration was muted, however, due to the concern over Michelle’s injury. Shane examined her ankle in the dugout. It had become both the size and color of a cantaloupe. Thad and Shane carried Michelle to Shane’s car so he could take her to the emergency room. There would be no post game pizza party that evening.

Thad, Del and Pastor O’Donnell sat on the bleachers after the excitement rehydrating with sports drinks. “Looks like we’re going to need Katie or Tabitha back,” Del said.

“I don’t think that’s likely as long as Audra’s on the team,” O’Donnell replied. “They think she kept those boys from asking them out last game. I’m afraid it’s either Audra or them.”

“Audra’s really good,” Thad pointed out. “If it wasn’t for her no way would we have won this game.”

“Yeah, but it was more fun before,” Del said.

“You’re just annoyed that Shane gave her your position,” O’Donnell replied.

“Well I did play first base in college,” Del grumbled.

“It doesn’t matter,” Thad said. “I don’t think Shane will cut Audra anyway. I’m pretty sure he has a crush on her.”

“Maybe we need a new coach,” Del suggested. “Someone more objective.”

“Who would even want to do it,” O’Donnell asked. “You?”

“Maybe I would,” Del replied.

And where was Audra during this conversation? Stretching on the grass behind the bleachers. She heard every word.

Audra’s emotions were confused. On the one hand her feelings were hurt, of course. Whose wouldn’t be? But on the other hand she felt a flutter of delight to learn that Shane might have a crush on her. Because she also happened to have a crush on him. In fact she had talked to Thad mainly to make Shane jealous not quite realizing how effective the ploy had been. And though she was enjoying playing softball again, she didn’t want to cause problems for Shane or the team. So she made a decision.

She would quit.

Audra found Katie and Tabitha after church the following Sunday. “Listen,” Audra said, “I want to quit the Miracles but without Michelle and me they won’t have enough women. Do you think you two would consider rejoining?”

The girls were not displeased to hear that Audra was leaving the team but still reluctant to return themselves. Truth was, neither one of them was really that into softball.

“Tell you what,” Audra said. “You know how I promised those boys Steve and Blake that I’d get them tickets to a Penguins’ game next season?”

“Yeah,” Katie said evenly.

“If you rejoin the Miracles, I’ll get you two tickets as well.”

“We don’t like hockey,” Tabitha protested.

“I’ll get you tickets with Steve and Blake,” Audra clarified.

“Actually, hockey’s not so bad,” Katie said.

Next Audra found Shane and broke the news that she was quitting.

“No,” Shane cried. “We have a game this afternoon!”

“I’m sorry, but Tyler gets bored and a baby sitter is too expensive. However I have good news. Katie and Tabitha said they want to come back.”

“I guess that is good news,” Shane mumbled.

“By the way, do you like Ferris wheels?” Audra asked.

“What?” Shane said. “Um, sure, I guess so.”

“Because Tyler loves them and they make me queasy. We’re going to the amusement park on Saturday. Maybe you’d like to come along and ride the Ferris wheel with Tyler?”

“Sure,” Shane said, beaming.

That afternoon the Miracles took the field without Audra in the line up. They lost the game but had a great time doing it. And the next Saturday Shane enjoyed a day with Audra and Tyler at the amusement park. However neither Audra nor Shane managed to work up the nerve to kiss the other one.

The Ringer - Part One

Hear the story read by the author.

In the town of Normal, Pennsylvania, there’s a little church at the corner of Wilson and Elm. Choir director Shane Reed is the coach and second baseman of the church softball team, the “Miracles.” And this season Shane was delighted to have a new player: Audra Park.

Audra, a single mother of a six year-old boy named Tyler, had only joined the church a few months earlier. She was a sweet, quiet young woman with lovely delicate features and long black hair. And Shane had a crush on her.

But every time he tried to ask her out he froze up. And the more time passed, the harder it got. So when one day after church Shane asked Audra if she was interested in joining the Miracles he had actually intended to invite her out to dinner but just chickened out at the last minute.

When Audra responded positively to his impromptu softball invitation Shane was thrilled. In addition to spending time with her on the field they’d be going out for pizza after every game. Yes, the rest of the team would be there too, but it was a start.

“What position is she going to play?” Thad Wheeling, the team’s shortstop, asked Shane as they watched Audra stretch before the first practice. Thad guessed Audra weighed about a hundred pounds. She didn’t look like much of an athlete.

“I was thinking left field,” Shane replied, a dreamy smile on his face.

“Do you think her arm’s strong enough to throw all the way to the infield?”

“I don’t know,” Shane shrugged. “But she can’t be much worse than Tabitha.”

Tabitha was the teenage girl that had played left field the previous season. She was center fielder Katie O’Donnell’s best friend. Shane figured Katie and Tabitha could alternate innings at center.

This did not go over so well with the two teenage girls. They wanted to play together, not take turns riding the bench by themselves. But Shane made a big speech about the team being bigger than any one player. When that failed, he offered to pay their share of the post game pizza. They grudgingly agreed to this arrangement.

Shane started practice by hitting fly balls to the team. Thad stood beside him to catch the returning throws and feed them back to Shane. The first ball Shane hit toward Audra sailed long. Audra loped backwards, made the catch, spun, and fired the ball to Thad. It hit Thad’s glove with a resounding smack. He grunted in pain.

“Guess her arm’s okay,” Shane whispered.

It turned out a lot more than Audra’s arm was okay. In his excitement at the prospect of spending time with her, Shane never asked whether Audra had any experience. If he had, she would have told him about being an all-star second baseman on her state champion high school team.

Audra’s expertise became even more apparent as the Miracles started to scrimmage. When Katie fielded a deep fly ball and made a two bounce throw to first, Audra shouted, “Katie, you should use me as a cutoff man on those long throws.”

Later when Katie threw to first with a runner going to second, Audra called out, “play’s at second, Katie!”

Katie was getting annoyed at Audra’s coaching, but over on first base sixty-two year-old Del Winslow smiled with satisfaction. Finally someone who knew something about the game was helping out. Del liked Shane but felt the kid was a little too nice for a coach.

Then Audra yelled, “Del, you need to play farther left when nobody’s on base.”

During a break in practice Thad pulled Shane aside. “Audra’s awesome,” Thad enthused. “She’s wasted out there. You should move her to the infield.”

Shane agreed, so he told Del he was switching Audra to first and moving Del out to left field. “But I played first base in college,” Del protested.

Del’s college experience was three decades before Audra’s high school experience but Shane didn’t mention that. Instead he just said, “I’m experimenting a little.”

“Audra used to play second,” Del pointed out. “Maybe YOU should switch positions with her.”

“Look, I’m the coach and I really need you to work with me on this,” Shane pleaded.

Del scowled as he considered Shane’s earnestness. Finally he said, “I heard you offer to pay for Tabitha and Katie’s post game pizza.”

“I’d be happy to pay your share too if that’s an issue,” Shane said quickly. Del nodded and headed for the outfield, grumbling under his breath.

As practice continued and Audra grew more and more comfortable shouting instructions to the other players, Shane began to wonder if maybe she was kind of usurping his roll as coach. But his concerns were trumped by the fact that she looked really cute in a baseball cap. And after all, they were just playing for the fun of it.

The Miracles first game of the season was against the Cherubs, a team from a small Catholic church on the other side of town. The Cherubs had two teenage boys playing shortstop and second base. When Katie and Tabitha saw them take the field, the two girls fell in love at first sight.

As Katie stepped up to the plate for her first at-bat, she was more determined to get on base than she’d ever been before. She wanted to get a closer look at the guy she was already imagining in a tuxedo at their wedding.

“Katie, get the bat off your shoulder!” Audra yelled. Katie’s face reddened. She left the bat just where it was to teach the meddling Audra a lesson. Katie proceeded to strike out in three pitches. But at least she made her point.

“You can’t get the bat around fast enough if you rest it on your shoulder,” Audra explained as Katie slumped back into the dugout. Katie clenched her teeth so she wouldn’t violate the league’s no-swearing policy.

The Miracles kept it close but ended up losing by two runs. Apparently Katie’s poor hitting had not dented her appeal with the boys because they struck up a conversation with her and Tabitha after the game. Their names were Steve and Blake and they accepted the girls’ invitation to join the Miracles for the post-game pizza party.

As they were walking into the restaurant, Blake noticed that Audra’s son Tyler was wearing a Pittsburgh Penguin’s hockey jersey. “You a Pens fan, little man?” he asked.

Tyler shyly hid behind Audra’s legs. “My brother works in public relations for the team,” Audra told the boys.

“Really?” Steve asked, his eyes shining with excitement. It turned out Steve and Blake were both huge hockey fans.

“Yeah,” Audra said. “If you’re in Pittsburgh during the season some time I can hook you up with tickets.”

The boys were speechless.

For the next hour Katie and Tabitha sat fuming in a booth while Steve and Blake peppered Audra with questions about her brother’s job.

As Shane totaled up the cost of the meal and his four shares it occurred to him that it would have been cheaper if he’d just had the nerve to ask Audra out instead of bribing the girls and Del to make room for her on the team. But his pizza parlor expenses were about to lessen.

The following Sunday Katie and Tabitha informed him they were quitting the Miracles. “Free pizza just isn’t worth it,” Katie said.

With the next game two days away, Shane suddenly found himself a player short.

To be continued...

Sunscreen

Hear the story read by the author.

In the town of Normal, Pennsylvania, there’s a little church at the corner of Wilson and Elm. The church has a softball team called the “Miracles” that plays in the Normal Interdenominational Summer Softball League. Del Winslow plays first base, the same position he played on his college intramural team. Of course Del’s college days are quite a few years and quite a few pounds behind him.

The softball season was approaching and choir director Shane Reed, who coached the team, discovered he had a hole to fill. The outfield was made up of Pastor O’Donnell, his daughter Katie and her friend Tabitha. Kevin Boyer pitched and Missy Moore was the catcher. Shane handled second, Thad Wheeling was at shortstop and the previous year Katie’s boyfriend Joe had played third. But Joe had bowed out this year because he had taken up another sport: stock car driving. Actually, it was a video game about stock car driving, but it occupied much of his weekends.

Shane was telling Del about his dilemma at coffee hour after church when Del’s daughter Carrie and her new husband, Carlos Lopez, joined them. Carlos and Carrie had moved in with Del and his wife, Karen, after the company the younger couple worked for went out of business. Del was not particularly pleased with the arrangement, but it didn’t look like it was going to change anytime soon. Carlos had decided to go back to school to get his MBA and Carrie had just discovered she was pregnant.

“I’ll play,” Carlos said, upon learning of the open slot. “I was on the company softball team back in Cincinnati.”

“Carlos!” Carrie exclaimed, “You don’t have time for softball. You have so much studying to do, not to mention getting ready for the baby.”

“She has a point,” Del said. He already saw more of Carlos than he wanted at home. He was looking forward to softball as a nice break from his domestic situation.

“But Sweetie,” Carlos protested to his bride, “it will be a good way to get some exercise. You don’t want me to get fat, do you?”

“It’s only one practice and one game a week,” Shane interjected hopefully. “And the season will be well over before you have your baby.

“Well… I guess,” Carrie said. “But you would have to promise to quit if it interferes with school.”

“Yes!” Carlos yelled and high-fived Shane. The two were grinning ear to ear. Carrie grimaced. Del forced a smile, but he kind of wished his daughter had stuck to her guns.

Shane had no such doubts as he put the team through their paces at the first practice. Carlos turned out to be not just a competent fielder, but also an excellent power hitter. Kevin was no slouch as a pitcher yet Carlos routinely pounded his throws over the low chain link fence that served as an outfield wall at the Normal Public Athletic Fields. The whole team was quietly beginning to think that, unlike last year, they might actually get more than one win this season.

The day of the first game arrived. Del waited impatiently for Carlos in the foyer. “Carlos,” he yelled, “come on. Time to go.”

“I’m ready,” Carlos said as he jogged downstairs.

Karen poked her head in from the living room. “Don’t forget sunscreen,” she said.

“It’s in my bag,” Del replied.

“Wait up,” Carrie called from the top of the stairs. She had a big purse slung over her shoulder and was wearing a floppy hat to keep the sun off her face.

“Where are you going, Sweetie?” Carlos asked.

“To the game,” Carrie replied. “You don’t expect me to sit home while you’re out having fun, do you?”

“But… you know you can’t play,” Carlos said carefully. “I mean you didn’t go to practice.”

“I’m not going to play, Dummy,” she told him. “I’m going to watch. That’s allowed, right?

Neither Carlos nor Del could think of a reason it wouldn’t be. The three of them piled into the car and headed for the field. “Did you put on sunscreen,” Carrie asked her husband.

“No,” Carlos replied.

“There’s some in my bag,” Del said with a chuckle. He was thinking his daughter was a lot like her mother. Carrie retrieved the lotion for Carlos.

“You want some?” Carlos asked Del.

“I’ll put it on when we get there,” he said.

The game – against a Baptist team called the Commandments – was a nail biter. Carrie had brought a book to read – she wasn’t really a fan of sports, she’d mostly gone along to make a point – but by the fourth inning the book sat forgotten beside her on the bleachers as she became more and more caught up in the action.

Going into the bottom of the final inning the Commandments were ahead 7-6 but the Miracles had one last chance at bat. Thad Wheeling was up first. After watching a ball, he took a good cut at the second pitch and popped one up to left field. Unfortunately the left fielder was on her toes and caught the ball for the Miracle’s first out.

Next came Kevin Boyer. Kevin managed to hit a nice tweener over the second baseman for a double, putting the tying run on second and bringing Carlos to the plate with Del on deck.

Del swung a pair of bats idly, loosening up his shoulders, as he watched Carlos step up to the plate. Carrie yelled encouragement from the stands. She couldn’t see what Del could – Carlos was blinking rapidly. Del realized Carlos was sweating sunscreen into his eyes.

Carlos managed to make contact with the first two pitches but sent them both foul, giving him two strikes. Del started warming up more seriously. It looked like it would be up to him to win this thing.

Then on the next pitch Carlos took a perfect swing and hit the ball a good ten yards out of the park.

The team went wild, everyone mobbing Carlos at home plate as he came around to score the winning run. Everyone, that is, except Del, who was busy putting the warm-up bats away. The game was over and he had just missed an opportunity to be a hero.

Carlos and the crowd of players congratulating him headed for the dugout where Del and Carrie were waiting. “We won!” Shane exclaimed. “We’re actually undefeated. Admittedly, we’ve only played one game, but still!”

“We should celebrate,” Carlos said. “Anyone want to join me for a beer?”

Del and Carrie simultaneously opened their mouths to object, then simultaneously closed them again as the rest of the team gave a hearty endorsement to Carlos’s plan.

They went to a nearby pizza place and spread out across several tables. Katie and Tabitha, being teenagers, got sodas and huddled on the other side of the room from away from the un-cool adults. Kevin, Shane, Thad and Carlos gathered around one table while Missy and Carrie settled at a smaller adjacent table. That left Del and Pastor O’Donnell at a table a short ways away. Though Del enjoyed the pastor’s company well enough, he felt a little put out at not being included with the younger men.

“First round is on me!” Carlos shouted. The guys at Carlos’s table cheered that news enthusiastically.

“He can’t afford to pay rent but he’s buying drinks,” Del grumbled to O’Donnell, who was preoccupied with the menu and simply grunted in reply.

Del watched as the waitress brought a pitcher of beer to the other table. Carlos filled the other men’s mugs. But Carrie leapt up to stop him before he could fill his own.

“What’s wrong, honey?” Carlos asked.

“Are you really going to drink beer in front of your pregnant wife who can’t?” she asked.

“But…everyone else is.”

“Good point. Go ahead, then.”

Carlos was inexperienced at marriage, but he sensed a trap. He glanced at the other men. They were all apparently fascinated by something going on out the window since none of them met his gaze. Carlos looked to see what was so interesting but the street outside was empty.

“Can you bring me a cup for soda,” Carlos called to the waitress meekly.

“Poor guy,” O’Donnell said through a mouthful of hot wing. “I remember how Jennifer was when she was pregnant with Katie.” Del just nodded thoughtfully.

Later that evening, Del poked his head into the kitchen where Carlos was studying at the breakfast table. “Come with me,” Del said.

“Where?” Carlos asked.

“Just come.”

Carlos followed Del out to the garage. Del pulled a cooler off the shelf and opened it. To Carlos’s surprise, it held a six-pack of beer surrounded by ice. Del tossed a beer to Carlos.

“Karen didn’t like me drinking around her when she was pregnant either,” Del said. “So I used to sneak out here to have a beer every once in a while.”

“Clever,” Carlos said as he took a hearty swig and savored the taste. “Do you maybe have a tip on how to keep Carrie from spending all our money on baby clothes?”

“Sorry,” Del said. “She’s just like her mother that way as well. Hey, that was quite a hit you made to end the game today.”

“It was pure luck. Sunscreen ran in my eyes and I couldn’t see a thing. I was swinging blind.”

“I know,” Del said. “That’s what was so impressive.”

“Hey, you’re looking a little pink,” Carlos observed. “Did you ever put sunscreen on?”

“Shut up,” Del replied.

And the two men spent the next couple hours drinking beer, talking sports, and hiding from their wives.

The Agony of Victory

Hear the story read by the author

In the town of Normal, Pennsylvania, there’s a little church at the corner of Wilson and Elm. This year, choir director Shane Reed organized a church softball team called The Miracles to play in the Normal Interdenominational Summer Softball League. The team was 0-5 going into the sixth and final game of the season before the playoffs, from which they’d sadly been eliminated by their fourth game.

Fortunately, their last opponent was the Ephesians, a team from a small church in the suburbs. The Ephesians were only 2-3 and represented the Miracles’ best chance at gaining at least one victory before the end of the season.

Shane had extra reason to want to make a good showing. While he was warming up, he spotted Kelly, a player from another team in the league, sitting in the stands. Shane had developed a little crush on Kelly while her team was pounding the Miracles in their first game. He knew Kelly was dating the league umpire who was assigned to their game that day, most likely why she was in attendance. Shane’s heart didn’t seem put off by that fact, regardless of what his brain might advise. Shane’s brain was usually the loser in battles with his other organs.

When it was the Miracles’ turn to hit in the bottom of the first inning, Shane headed out to home plate. The Ephesians’ catcher was a fit woman with a bright red perm who looked to be in her sixties. As Shane got into his stance, the catcher crouched down, her knees popping like two pistol shots.

“They tell me you’re the coach of this pathetic bunch of losers,” the catcher said.

“Excuse me?” Shane asked, startled.

“Play ball,” the umpire called out.

Shane turned his attention to the pitcher. As the pitcher wound up, the catcher hissed, “From the looks of your little girl arms, maybe you’d be better off forming a jacks team.”

Shane tried to focus on the incoming ball, but the older woman’s heckling had thrown him and he missed badly.

“I take it back. Most little girls I know have better hand-eye coordination than that.”

Shane looked to the umpire for help. He just shrugged. “As long as she keeps it clean, I don’t see a problem with a little friendly banter.”

Shane turned back toward the pitcher and tightened his grip on the bat.

“Want to call your mommy and complain to her, too, you little whiner?” the catcher said.

Shane ignored the taunt and took a swing as the pitch came in. He caught a piece of the ball, grounding to third and was thrown out as he reached first base. As he shuffled back to the dugout, he snuck a peek toward Kelly. She was eating a hot dog, apparently oblivious to his humiliation.

Shane wasn’t the only target of the catcher’s taunts, and as the game progressed the Miracles spent a good deal of time in the dugout crafting snappy comebacks. Despite the distraction, they managed to keep the game close. The two teams seemed fairly evenly matched on skill level.

As they went to the bottom of the seventh and final inning, the Ephesians were up by only a single run. With no outs and the bases empty, they had reached the top of the batting order again which meant Shane headed back to the plate.

“Well, if it isn’t Nancy Drew,” the catcher cackled as Shane got in position. “You know, if you put on a little lipstick, maybe some of the nerdy boys would ask you out.”

Shane ignored her. The pitch came in. He took a quick swing and hit a nifty tweener over the first baseman. It was enough to get him a double. Winning would be the best revenge, he thought.

Del came up to the plate. Del was fond of reminding everyone he’d played a little intramural ball in college. Of course that was forty years and sixty pounds ago, but over the course of the season Del had actually shaken off a good deal of the rust and even a couple of the pounds. After looking at a ball low and inside, he pounded a pop fly deep into left field.

Shane made it home easily, smirking at the catcher.

“You even run like a girl,” she informed him.

“Tie game,” he replied.

“Time,” the umpire called. He was looking out to second where Del was doubled over, hands on his knees, sucking in big gulps of air. “Is he going to be okay?” the umpire asked.

Shane shrugged. Del may have regained some of his skills, but his conditioning regimen the last few decades mostly involved doing bicep curls with potato chips as he sat on the couch watching TV.

After a few minutes Del regained his composure and signaled that he was ready. Next up for the Miracles was Thad Wheeling.

Thad popped an easy ball to right field. Del smartly stayed on second. Or maybe he was still too winded to dash for third. Now there was one out, game tied, the winning run on second. And the Miracle’s best player, Kevin Boyer was up.

Kevin hit a sizzling line drive right past first base. It was a smart hit – Kevin only got a single but it gave Del time to make a run for home plate.

And Del needed that time. He was doing okay as he rounded third, his belly bouncing like a beach ball in the wind, but about halfway to home he started to slow. His face glowed bright red and a thin strand of drool trailed back behind him from the corner of his mouth.

The right fielder scooped up the ball and lobbed it to the first baseman, sure that the game was over. But as they watched Del’s pace decrease until it seemed he was moving in slow motion, the first baseman realized they might still have a chance. He hurled the ball toward the catcher. Kevin seized his opportunity and took off for second, hoping the Miracles would live up to their name.

Del stumbled forward and fell toward home plate, one arm outstretched. He would later claim it was a “slide.” The catcher snagged the ball and tagged him on the head just as his arm landed across the plate.

“You’re out!” shouted the umpire.

“What?” Del gasped. “I was safe!” He rolled onto his back to better argue.

“She got you, my friend,” the umpire replied. “Two outs.”

“There’s no way,” Del protested from the ground. “She didn’t even…” he trailed off in a fit of coughing. The umpire strolled a few yards away, effectively ending the argument with the prostrate Del. Shane and Thad came out to help Del back to the dugout.

Kevin had made it to third during the commotion. With the game tied and two outs, fifteen year-old Katie O’Donnell came to the plate. Bucking baseball tradition, Shane had spread the weaker hitters throughout the line-up, hoping since it was slow pitch softball, they could just get on base. But Katie had only gotten two hits all season. It looked like the game was going into extra innings.

Katie was so nervous she was trembling. The other Miracles all clapped and shouted encouragement to her. The Ephesians’ catcher was unmerciful.

As the first pitch came in, the catcher made a crack about Katie’s skinny legs. Katie turned to retort, forgetting all about the incoming pitch. By some stroke of luck, as she let the bat fall from her shoulder it hit the ball, bouncing it back toward the pitcher.

Katie began her tirade at the catcher. Kevin took off for home. He realized what nobody else had at that moment. The ball was fair. Katie had accidentally bunted.

“Run!” Kevin shouted as he approached. Katie looked up, looked at the ball, and then took off for first. The catcher realized what was going on and scrambled for the ball.

But she was too late. Kevin skipped into home as she turned to make the tag. “Safe!” shouted the umpire.

The Miracles had won their first game.

Shane bolted from the dugout, promptly tripped, and landed on his face in the dirt. But his enthusiasm was undimmed and he quickly pulled himself back up and high-fived Kevin. Then he turned on the catcher.

“Maybe you would have got made that play back in the middle ages old lady!” he taunted.

Then he noticed Kelly coming out onto the field. He quickly brushed the dirt from his face.

Kelly went up to the catcher. “Tough loss, Mom,” Kelly said.

Mom? Shane went pale.

The catcher turned to him. “Good game, kid. I think your team’s going to be a challenger next season.”

Then Kelly, her mom and boyfriend walked off the field.

“Oh well,” Shane thought. “We finally won a game!” He turned to celebrate with his teammates.

The Miracles: Game One

By Douglas J. Eboch

Hear the story read by the author

In the town of Normal, Pennsylvania, there’s a little church at the corner of Wilson and Elm. This year, choir director Shane Reed organized a church softball team called The Miracles to play in the Normal Interdenominational Summer Softball League.

The Miracles first game was against a Presbyterian mega-church located in downtown Normal. The Presbyterian’s team was called The Shepherds. They had won the league trophy three of the past four years due to the large pool of young, athletic congregants. This game would be a real test of the Miracles’ readiness.

The Miracles hit first. Shane, the leadoff batter, stepped up to the plate. As he stared down the pitcher, he noticed one of the Shepherds’ secret weapons: their second baseman, Kelly.

Kelly was a pretty, twenty-five year-old blonde with perfect skin who jumped up and down and clapped before every pitch. Since her position placed her behind and just to the right of the pitcher, this energetic display of team spirit caught Shane’s eye. Shane was noting just how perfectly straight and white Kelly’s teeth were as the first pitch sailed by him.

Shane blushed and tightened his grip on the bat. He tried to focus on the pitcher and ignore the bouncing blonde. He managed to actually take a swing at the second pitch. Unfortunately it was way outside the strike zone and would have been a ball had he let it go. As it was, he missed by a good eight inches. Strike two.

By now Shane was completely discombobulated. He did manage to connect with the next pitch but he had reached for another poor throw and grounded straight to the first baseman.

As Shane slumped sullenly back to the dugout, Del Winslow went up to hit. Shane was not surprised to see Del whiff at his first pitch as well, then pop up an easy ball to the third baseman for a quick out. He suspected Del’s concentration may also have been affected.

Shane was not about to let a similar fate befall Thad Wheeling who was warming up for his at-bat. Shane jogged over to warn Thad about the distraction at second base.

“Don’t worry,” said Thad. “I won’t let her get to me.”

“It’s the smile that does it,” Shane explained.

“They probably put her there just for that purpose,” Thad said. “I bet she can’t field at all. I’ll hit it right to her.”

Thad was as good as his word, sending the first pitch on a line drive right between the first baseman and Kelly. Thad took off along the first base line with a confident smirk.

Then the most amazing thing happened. Kelly launched herself into the air, stretching parallel to the ground, and snagged the ball as it sailed past. She tucked and rolled back to her feet as if she hadn’t just performed the most acrobatic catch in the history of religious sports leagues. Thad stood halfway to first base, mouth agape, as the Shepherds headed in and Kelly casually tossed the ball to the umpire.

The Miracles took the field. Well, most of them. The two teenage girls on the team, Katie and Tabitha, were locked in a heated discussion. Another girl at their school had spread a mean and only partly true rumor about Katie burping uncontrollably in fifth period Friday. They were so involved in dissecting the scandal that they didn’t even realize the inning was over until Shane called to them by name.

While the girls took the field, Missy Moore, the Miracles’ catcher, introduced herself to the umpire, a young man in his twenties with a goatee. As Missy settled into her crouch, she commented, “that blonde girl on the other team is really good.”

“Yeah,” the umpire agreed. “She played softball on scholarship in college. She’s the best player in the league.” Kelly was not the Shepherds’ secret weapon because of her attractiveness.

The first batter for the Shepherds hit a pop fly out to center field - an easy catch for the Miracles’ center fielder, Tabitha. Except Tabitha wasn’t there. She had slid over to right field so she could continue planning “burp-gate” damage control with Katie. By the time Pastor O’Donnell chased down the ball from left field and made a wayward toss toward third, the Shepherds had scored their first run.

Shane tried to keep his cool as he walked over to Tabitha. “Why don’t you switch positions with Pastor O’Donnell,” he said as evenly as he could.

Tabitha pouted as she trudged over to left field and the pastor took his place in center between the two teenage girls. Didn’t Shane understand that Katie’s high school reputation had been jeopardized? Who cared about a silly softball game in the face of such disaster.

The next batter hit a pop fly to right field, right to Katie.

It bounced at her feet and rolled by. Katie was too busy using her cell phone to send Tabitha a text message to notice. The Shepherds went up 2-0.

Then Kelly stepped up to the plate. Shane tried to focus on the game as she got into her batting stance with a little hip wiggle. Kevin tossed the first pitch in.

Kelly uncoiled and pounded the ball. It sizzled right past Kevin before he could even raise his glove, leaving a smell of burning ozone hanging in the air.

The ball rocketed straight toward Shane’s head. He stuck his glove out, relying more on an instinctive reflex for self-preservation than any athletic skill. The ball hit the glove but the force of the impact drove the glove back into Shane’s nose.

The next thing Shane saw was Kelly’s pretty face framed by blue sky. She looked like an angel, he thought.

“No, I’m a Shepherd,” she said. “The Angels are playing on the next field over.”

Shane realized he might have been thinking out loud. It also occurred to him that he was laying on his back.

“Are you all right?” Kelly asked.

“I think so,” Shane said, and sat up. “Did I get you out?”

“No. The ball rolled out of your glove when you fell,” she told him. “But good reflexes.”

After staunching the flow of blood from his wounded nose, Shane returned to his position. Thanks to Kevin’s pitching, they finally managed to get out of the inning having given up a mere ten runs. Shane said a little prayer of gratitude that the league games only went seven innings.

The Miracles did start to gel a little bit in the next inning and handled themselves respectably thereafter. As the game came to a merciful end in the quickly fading evening light, the Normal Miracles were relieved that the final score was only Shepherds 34, Miracles 2.

Afterwards, Shane sat in the bleachers icing his sore nose. He held the ice bag in his glove hand, since that palm had been bruised by the force of Kelly’s line drive. His mood brightened a little when Kelly came over to see how he was.

“Oh, I’m fine,” Shane said, striking what he hoped was an air of masculine nonchalance. Kelly was worried that he might have a concussion but she needn’t have been. Shane’s goofy smile was not a result of his injury. Then the umpire came over.

“Ready to go, Babe?” he said.

“Yeah,” Kelly replied and gave him a quick kiss. They walked off toward a giant, black pick-up truck holding hands.

Del was sitting nearby. “She’s dating the umpire?” he snorted. “That’s not fair!”

“No, it isn’t,” Shane agreed. But they weren’t talking about the same thing.

The Normal Miracles

by Douglas J. Eboch

Hear the story read by the author.


In the town of Normal, Pennsylvania, there’s a little church at the corner of Wilson and Elm. This year, choir director Shane Reed proposed organizing a church softball team to play in the Normal Interdenominational Summer Softball League. Pastor Henry O’Donnell thought it was a fine idea as long as he didn’t have to play. When Henry was a boy he’d gotten his exercise chasing the ice cream truck. As a teen, he’d stayed in shape by running from bullies. But as an adult he’d become completely sedentary.

The deadline to register teams was just over a week away. Shane had two tasks to accomplish before then: Find a minimum of nine players and come up with a team name. He focused first on recruiting.

After announcing the team in church, Shane quickly got three people to sign up during coffee hour. First was Kevin Boyer. Unlike Pastor O’Donnell, Kevin loved sports. He was already on a city league softball team, not to mention tennis and flag football teams. Any leisure time Kevin couldn’t fill by playing sports, he tried to occupy by watching sports on TV.

Second was Del Winslow, who despite being 62 and a few dozen pounds overweight, assured Shane that he was an expert first baseman. “I was the captain of my college intramural baseball team,” Del informed him, leaving out the additional information that the team had finished next to last every year but one. That year it had actually finished last.

The third was Missy Moore, a rotund, energetic woman who said she’d be delighted to play, though she admitted she wasn’t very good. Shane gladly signed her up mostly because the league required three women on the field for each team. He figured she could be the catcher.

Four people wasn’t enough to make a basketball team, let alone a softball team. Shane cornered a few other congregants but he wasn’t having much luck. Then Katie O’Donnell, the pastor’s fifteen year-old daughter, and her friend Tabitha skipped over. “Hi Shane,” they said simultaneously in singsong voices. “Whatcha doing?”

“Signing up people for the church softball team. You two wouldn’t be interested, would you?”

The girls looked at each other with knowing smiles. “Sure,” Katie said.

“Yeah,” Tabitha agreed.

Shane hid his surprise and handed them permission slips for their parents to sign.

As the girls walked away, Katie whispered to Tabitha, “Mr. Reed’s hot, huh?”

“Yeah,” Tabitha agreed. “I wonder if he’ll take his shirt off at practice if it’s warm.” The girls giggled and went to get coffee.

That still left Shane three players short of a full team with the league kick-off meeting the following Sunday afternoon. Kevin helped by recruiting a new co-worker named Thad Wheeling who had just transferred to town. With two open spots to go, Shane started making phone calls.

He was nearing the end of his list with no success when he dialed organist Walter Tibble’s number. Walter hadn’t participated in anything resembling organized sports in thirty years but he owed Shane a favor for helping him move an old refrigerator a few weeks earlier. Walter had inadvertently dropped the refrigerator on Shane’s foot increasing the size of the debt. Shane poured on the guilt trying to overcome Walter’s reluctance.

And just as he thought Walter might be wavering, Shane’s call waiting beeped.

It was Kevin. “Jill says I can’t join the team,” Kevin told him. “She says I spend too much time playing sports while she has to watch the kids by herself.”

Shane knew Kevin and Jill’s two daughters and could understand Jill’s feelings. But his primary concern was the potential loss of his most promising player. “Can we discuss this,” he asked.

“Sure, but Jill’s the one you have to convince,” Kevin told him. “Maybe if you could find her a baby sitter. We seem to have trouble keeping them.”

“Okay. I’ve got Walter on the other line. Let me finish up with him, then I’ll…” Shane trailed off. He was getting an idea. “I’ll call you right back,” Shane said.

He clicked over to Walter. “Walter,” he said, “I’ve thought of another way you can pay me back for helping with the refrigerator. How about giving a couple kids piano lessons for me during the games so their father is free to play ball?”

Walter jumped at the chance to avoid regular exercise. “I could do that. Who are the kids?”

“Mary and Susie Boyer.”

“Oh no!” Walter howled. Mary and Susie were legendary around the church and not for lady like behavior or childish adorableness. Shane had to throw in washing Walter’s car after every game to get him to reconsider.

After an hour of back and forth phone negotiations that would have made the United Nations proud, Shane brokered a complicated three way deal. He managed to overcome Walter’s objections that the girls were really too young for piano lessons and that the Boyers didn’t have a piano for them to practice on. Jill assured Walter she didn’t expect the girls to achieve any actual musical proficiency. The truth was, she just wanted a few hours for herself. With the girls tormenting Walter, she didn’t particularly mind that her husband wouldn’t be around. Visions of long bubble baths danced in her head.

Shane was relieved he’d averted that crisis, but he was still two players down when he arrived at church Sunday morning.

Katie solved half his problem by informing him that her boyfriend Joe wanted to play. Katie was clearly delighted at Joe’s taking interest in one of her activities. What she didn’t know was that he had overheard Katie and Tabitha talking about Shane’s muscular forearms and figured he better protect his territory.

Still, when Pastor Henry O’Donnell saw Shane at coffee hour and asked him how the team was coming together, Shane was despondent. “I’m still one player short and the registration deadline is in an hour,” he told the pastor “It’s going to take a miracle to make this work.”

Unfortunately for Henry, his wife Jennifer was standing next to them. “Why don’t you play?” she asked.

“I’d love to but I’m too busy,” Henry told her, shrugging apologetically at Shane.

“Please,” Jennifer scoffed. “It’ll do you good to get some exercise. Besides, Katie’s on the team. Wouldn’t it be nice to have some father-daughter time with her?”

“But honey…” Henry started to protest.

“Sign him up,” Jennifer told Shane. Shane looked at the pastor, unsure what to do. Henry sighed and nodded his agreement.

“Great!” Shane said. “We could still use an alternate. Do you want to play, too, Jennifer? Then it would be family time.”

“Oh no,” Jennifer said. “I’m way too busy for softball.” She hurried off before her husband could come up with a snide comment.

“Guess you got your miracle,” Henry muttered.

Shane rushed off to the kick-off meeting before anyone could bail out. When he handed the coordinator his form, she pointed out that he had neglected to fill in a team name. In all the chaos of recruiting he had forgotten to think of one. Shane smiled. “Put down The Miracles,” he told her.


Coming soon: The Normal Miracles have their first practice.