In the town of Normal, Pennsylvania, there’s a little church at the corner of Wilson and Elm. One of Associate Pastor Michelle Tellum’s many jobs at the church is programming. So Michelle was constantly on the lookout for events and activities to encourage fellowship within the congregation. Holidays frequently provided such opportunities. When October rolled around, she suggested to Senior Pastor Henry O’Donnell that they hold a jack-o-lantern carving contest the day before Halloween.
“Sounds like an excellent idea,” Pastor O’Donnell said. “I can be a judge if you want.” Being a judge meant that he would be the center of attention and that he wouldn’t have to get all messy carving a pumpkin. O’Donnell liked attention and didn’t like getting messy so it was kind of the perfect arrangement.
Michelle figured they needed at least three judges. For the second she recruited Ralph Billings who was always happy to help out in any way he was needed. Then Michelle asked Missy Moore. “I’d be a great judge,” Missy said. “I went to art school, you know.”
“I did not know that,” Michelle replied.
“But I think I’d rather carve a pumpkin. You know, put that art training to use. If you don’t think that would be unfair to the other competitors.”
“No,” Michelle said, “I think that would be fine.”
Next Michelle tried organist Walter Tibble. Walter had no interest in carving a pumpkin but didn’t really have any interest in judging either. However once Michelle mentioned that she would be making cookies for refreshments Walter agreed. Walter was a fan of Michelle’s cookies and, really, how hard could it be to pick out which jack-o-lantern he liked best?
A dozen people entered the contest. Michelle and her boyfriend, Ian Wells, had bought twenty pumpkins from a local pumpkin patch – really a parking lot covered in hay to seem rustic. They set them out on a table in the social hall for participants to select from.
Missy carefully perused the pumpkins, hoisting each one in turn and gazing at it critically. “In art school they emphasize the importance of selecting the right materials,” she remarked. “As Michelangelo said, ‘every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.’”
“You do know we’re carving pumpkins, not stone,” Ian said.
“Of course,” Missy shot back. “And I want to find the pumpkin with just the right jack-o-lantern lurking inside.”
“Great,” Ian replied. “I think I’ll just carve this one.” He grabbed the pumpkin closest to where he happened to be standing at that moment.
“No!” Missy cried. “That was one of my top choices. That’s why I set it back from the edge of the table.”
“It’s first come first serve,” Ian said. He didn’t really care which pumpkin he carved, but Missy was starting to annoy him.
“Are you even eligible for the contest?” Missy demanded.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’re dating the organizer.”
“Let’s let Pastor O’Donnell decide,” Ian said.
“I think the judges can manage to remain objective,” O’Donnell replied when they asked him. “Besides, Katie wants to enter, too.” He nodded toward his teenage daughter, Katie, and her friend Tabitha who were picking out their pumpkins at that very moment.
“Okay, Ian can have the good pumpkin,” Missy said grumpily. “I suppose it’s only fair that I’m handicapped considering my art school training.”
“How magnanimous,” Ian muttered. He grabbed a knife and went to claim a workspace.
Missy picked a replacement pumpkin and found her workspace. She pulled a bundle out of her big purse and unrolled it. It contained a selection of carving and scooping instruments.
When Ian saw this he summoned Pastor O’Donnell again. “Is Missy allowed to use those fancy tools?” Ian asked. “The rest of us just have knives from the kitchen.”
“It doesn’t say you can’t bring your own tools!” Missy protested and held up the flyer advertising the event.
“It doesn’t say you can’t smash your opponents’ pumpkins, either,” Ian pointed out.
“That’s not the same thing at all,” Missy argued.
“I’m going to make an executive decision,” O’Donnell said before the argument got out of hand. “Missy can use her own tools.”
Ian and Missy glared at each other as they returned to their pumpkins.
Over at the judges’ table Michelle called for everyone’s attention. “You will have one hour to carve your jack-o-lanterns,” she said. “Ready…set…go!”
The contestants immediately bent to their work, cutting the tops off their pumpkins and scooping out the insides. Michelle collected the pumpkin seeds to roast them with spices in the kitchen. The judges amused themselves at the refreshment table.
After about ten minutes Katie pushed her pumpkin away with a groan. “I screwed up. Can I start over?” she asked.
“Sure,” Michelle said. “There are still half a dozen pumpkins left.” Katie found a new pumpkin and resumed work.
Ian hadn’t gone to art school but he was a pretty creative guy. He planned to carve the jack of hearts from a deck of cards as a pun on the word jack-o-lantern. Since the jack of hearts was a one-eyed jack, he made an X for one of the eyes as if it had been gouged out. He sketched out his plan on the pumpkin with a pencil. He was pretty proud of himself – the thin curling mustache and the hearts on the side sold it.
He glanced over to see how Missy was progressing. She caught his look and immediately moved to block her pumpkin with her body.
“Aaaarrrrgh,” Katie yelled and kicked her pumpkin away. It rolled across the floor into the corner. She stomped over to the remaining pumpkins and grabbed a new one.
Ian was just putting the final touches on his jack-o-lantern when Michelle announced ten minutes left.
“No,” Katie wailed and ran for a new pumpkin.
Ian noodled with his entry for several more minutes. He was happy with what he had done but since Missy was being so protective of hers he figured he would keep his hidden until the last moment as well.
Finally Michelle announced that the contest was over and instructed the participants to bring their jack-o-lanterns up to the judges’ table. When Missy saw Ian’s jack-of-hearts, she snorted. “What’s scary about that?”
“It’s a one-eyed-jack-o-lantern,” Ian said. The judges chuckled and Missy flushed with momentary annoyance.
“Let’s see yours,” Ian demanded.
Missy revealed her creation. She had carved a demonic face on her pumpkin, cleverly using pieces of pumpkin that she had cut out from the eyes as horns. Ian shuddered a little. It was surprisingly evil looking.
O’Donnell cleared his throat. “That’s very…well…”
“Disturbing,” Ralph finished.
“It’s supposed to be scary,” Missy replied. “This is Halloween, isn’t it?”
“I guess it is,” Michelle said. She found the demon a bit unsettling as well. “Is that all of the entries?”
“Wait for me,” Tabitha called out. She scurried over and set her jack-o-lantern on the table. Everyone gasped.
“It’s you!” Katie said.
It was indeed. Tabitha had carved a strikingly lifelike self-portrait on the side of her pumpkin, leaving just enough of the flesh intact within the image that it glowed. “I got the idea off the internet,” Tabitha said shyly. “You tape a picture to the pumpkin then poke holes through it with a big needle to create the outline.”
“Is that fair?” Missy mumbled.
“You got to use your special tools,” Ian pointed out.
“I hate jack-o-lanterns” Katie whispered under her breath, looking down at her entry. She’d ended up carving two triangular eyes and a jagged mouth.
“Okay, let’s let the judges get to work,” Michelle said.
It didn’t take long for the judges to make their decision. O’Donnell called Tabitha up and presented her with a blue ribbon and a gift certificate to Roger’s Café.
Then O’Donnell announced the other awards. “Ian gets the funniest jack-o-lantern award. Missy gets scariest. Katie gets most traditional…”
“Wait a minute,” Missy interrupted. “What kind of awards are those? Tabitha’s pumpkin is great, I’ll admit. Kudos to her. But who gets second place?”
“Nobody,” Michelle replied. “There was only one ribbon and gift certificate. Everyone else gets these fun awards. It’s, you know, fun.”
“But…but…” Missy sputtered. “We all want to know whose was second best, right?”
“Yeah,” Ian agreed.
“Not really,” Katie grumbled.
Michelle turned to the judges. Walter was the one that spoke up. “It was a tie,” he said. “Everyone came in second. Everyone except Tabitha, of course. She was clearly first place. She’s quite an artist.”
“Well,” Missy muttered under her breath, “great art is never appreciated in its own time.”
Perhaps that was true, but within three days her jack-o-lantern had decayed into a puddle of goo so future generations never got to weigh in on the issue.
Happy Halloween!
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