Sunday, April 18, 2010

Rock Around the Flock – Part One

Hear the story read by the author.

In the town of Normal, Pennsylvania, there’s a little church at the corner of Wilson and Elm. Like most churches, they are always looking for ways to bring in more young people. Unfortunately the current crop of young people is notorious for not being particularly interested in traditional church services. So it was with great excitement that Senior Pastor Henry O’Donnell gathered the staff of the little church one Tuesday morning to declare that he had found the solution.

Henry had spent the weekend at a pastoral conference attending a variety of mind numbing seminars and speakers. But one seminar late on the second day called, “Making Church Cool,” had so piqued his interest that he had actually stayed awake for the entire hour. Susan, the vivacious young woman with the dazzling smile who led the seminar, laid out the psyche of her generation in a way that completely transformed Henry’s way of thinking.

He explained all of this to the little church’s staff who, in spite of their better judgment, found themselves leaning forward in anticipation of this sure-fire youth attracting method. Henry paused to milk maximum drama from the moment. Then he said:

“We need a house rock band.”

The staff stared at him. It was not quite the reaction Henry had hoped for. The thing was a church rock band wasn’t exactly a revolutionary idea. But Susan had used a very persuasive Power Point presentation with lots of impressive statistics. Henry tried without success to remember some of them.

Finally he resorted to simple logic. “Today’s young people don’t want to hear dusty hymns. They listen to rock and roll. Heck, I listen to rock and roll when I’m not at church and I’m hardly young. Churches that incorporate modern music into the service often see a dramatic increase in youth attendance.”

“What about the choir,” asked choir director Shane Reed.

Henry realized he had not considered the choir. “Maybe you can provide back up for the band,” he suggested. “And you can still do special performances like the Christmas concert.”

“I’m not sure the choir members are going to be too happy about singing back up to a rock band,” Shane replied. He was none too happy about the idea himself.

“We’ll figure it out,” Henry said. “Sometimes change is a little painful but it’s still necessary.”

“Where are we going to get this band,” asked Associate Pastor Michelle Tellum.

Another annoying detail Henry hadn’t considered. “There must be members of the congregation who play rock instruments. Your boyfriend plays guitar, right?”

“Yeah…” Michelle replied. Ian, her boyfriend, played guitar in a jazz band. She thought he might be willing to play in a rock band as well, but doubted that he would be very excited about a regular gig at the church.

As it turned out, she knew Ian pretty well. He was definitely not excited when she told him about the idea. But he agreed to do it because he didn’t want her to look bad in front of Pastor O’Donnell who was, after all, her boss.

“Who else is in the band?” Ian asked her.

“Well, you’re the first,” Michelle admitted.

“Great,” Ian sighed. “Hey, you should get Audra to be the lead singer.”

“Good idea,” Michelle said. And it was a good idea. Audra was a new member of the church and had a fantastic voice. She was also young and pretty and Michelle felt a small pang of jealousy that Audra had come so quickly to Ian’s mind.

Still, Michelle did ask Audra to sing in the rock band. Audra initially declined, but when she heard Ian had requested her personally she changed her mind. “Ian’s a great guitarist,” she gushed. “If he’s doing it I guess I could give it a try.” Michelle did her best to be sincere when she thanked Audra.

Not everyone in the church was reluctant to participate. When word of the band got around, Missy Moore quickly volunteered to play drums. All concerned were surprised. Nobody even knew Missy played drums. Missy was a big, cheerful forty-four year-old woman who did not seem like the rock and roll type. But she assured Pastor O’Donnell and the founding members of the band that she had been playing drums since high school and owned her own drum set. This last fact sealed the deal.

Kevin Boyer also begged to participate. This was another surprise because Kevin usually begged not to participate in church activities. But Kevin had been part of a garage band in high school. That band had big dreams but lacked an equivalently sized work ethic. The highlight of their career was playing at Kevin’s sister’s fifteenth birthday party. The prospect of picking up “the axe” again sent a wave of youthful nostalgia through Kevin.

By axe, Kevin of course meant guitar. Kevin assured Ian that he would be happy playing rhythm guitar to Ian’s lead. Ian suggested Kevin try playing bass since they needed one. But bass did not fit with the rock star image in Kevin’s dreams.

As it turned out, the position of bass player proved very difficult to fill. Finally church secretary Tammy Billings agreed to the job. Tammy didn’t play bass guitar, but she did play the upright bass. Ian assured everyone that though it might look funny to have an upright bass in a rock band the sound was basically equivalent when the strings were plucked.

While the band was forming Henry was dealing with the fallout among the broader congregation. Shane was correct in his assessment that the choir would not be happy about being replaced by a rock band. There were even threats of a boycott.

The Little Old Ladies – three senior members of the congregation who were no more fans of rock music than they were fans of today’s youth – echoed those threats. Celia Simmons was a member of both the choir and the Little Old Ladies and was so wound up Henry feared she might explode. He urged everyone to just give the new direction a chance and promised when the church was full of teens and young adults they would all appreciate his plan.

As the day of the band’s debut approached, Ian hoped the pastor was right.

To be continued…

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