Sunday, June 15, 2008

Photo Directory

by Douglas J. Eboch

Hear the story read by the author.


In the town of Normal, Pennsylvania, there’s a little church on the corner of Wilson and Elm. Every few years they do a photo directory of all the members. A company sends a photographer to take everyone’s portraits. The photography is free, the company making their money by selling portrait packages to the participants. The whole process takes three long Saturdays.

Church secretary Tammy Billings was in charge of signing everyone up for a time slot. She met the photography people at 8 a.m. on the first Saturday with a neatly printed schedule for the day. The photographer this year was an energetic young man named Marcus. He was accompanied by a considerably less energetic young saleswoman named Kelly.

Marcus asked Tammy to pose as a stand-in on the stool while he set up his lights and backdrop. He took his job very seriously, as though he was shooting the cover of a national magazine. Kelly, on the other hand, simply set her laptop on a folding table and began playing computer solitaire. As Marcus was trying different colored gels on the backlight, he told Tammy she had lovely bone structure and asked if she’d ever been a model. Tammy giggled and reminded herself that she was a married woman.

At 9 a.m. the first subject arrived. Marcus declared himself ready to start shooting at 9:30.

Tammy liked Marcus’s spirit. She did not like the fact that he was an hour behind by 11:30 a.m. The lounge was filling up with people waiting for their turn.

The Boyer family had been scheduled at 11:00 a.m. They arrived twenty minutes late, which would have annoyed Tammy if everything weren’t already so far behind schedule. Tammy informed Kevin and Jill Boyer of the delay and asked them to take a seat.

They sat next to Henrietta Miggins, age 69, who was scheduled just ahead of them. Henrietta did not like to be kept waiting and she was not the type to keep her displeasure to herself. Approximately every five minutes Henrietta went to Tammy’s check-in table to ask about the delay.

The Boyer girls, Mary, age 4 and Susie, age 2, were not good at waiting patiently either. Mary decided to amuse herself by poking Susie in the arm. Susie did not find the game nearly as amusing. Jill separated them and begged them to sit still and not mess up their nice clothes before the picture could be taken. She also had to throw an occasional beg Kevin’s way as he fiddled with his tie.

Without a little sister within striking distance, Mary became fascinated by the fake flowers on Henrietta’s hat. She suggested Henrietta put perfume in them to make them smell pretty. Henrietta gave the girl a severe glare then went to check with Tammy on Marcus’s progress again.

Missy Moore had been there longer than any of them, but she waited patiently and cheerfully. Missy was excited to have her picture taken. She’d worn her favorite pink dress and was in the bathroom reapplying her make-up for the third time that morning when the Boyers arrived.

Missy loved kids, though she had none of her own. When she came out of the bathroom and saw Mary and Susie, she squealed with delight. “Oh don’t you two just look precious in your pretty little dresses!” she exclaimed and gave them a big hug, one wrapped in each arm. Henrietta rolled her eyes, though she was thankful for the relief from Mary’s attentions.

Marcus finished taking Walter Tibble’s portrait and said he was ready for Missy. Kelly the saleswoman salivated as Missy checked herself in the mirror one last time. She suspected this woman would order lots of pictures.

Missy beamed as Marcus complimented her rosy cheeks and cheerful smile while he posed her atop the stool. He stepped back and said, “gorgeous.” Missy blushed.

Marcus went behind the digital camera and took hold of the shutter release cord that allowed him to take a picture without jostling the camera. “Big smile,” he said. Missy smiled her biggest. And just as Marcus depressed the shutter, a naked two-year-old girl ran past.

Susie had taken advantage of a distraction caused by Mary inadvertently yanking one of the fake flowers out of Henrietta’s hat. Susie slithered out of the frilly yellow dress her mother had wedged her into that morning and made a break for the door.

Missy was so startled by the diminutive streaker that she nearly fell off the stool. “That’s okay,” Marcus said, “We’ll just take that one again.” Marcus repositioned Missy on the chair as Jill ran by in pursuit of her daughter, spilling apologies.

Marcus returned to the camera. “Got another one of those ravishing smiles in you,” he asked with a wink.

Missy grinned. Marcus pushed down on the shutter release.

And got a great picture of the backdrop falling on Missy.

Mary was standing on the other side, giggling. Jill ran up with Susie under her arm, looking mortified. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “Are you all right?”

Missy clambered out from under the backdrop. “I’m fine,” she assured Jill.

Jill turned on Mary and unleashed a tirade of anger on the rambunctious girl, saving a few choice words for her husband for not keeping closer watch. Missy stepped in before Mary started crying. “It’s okay, really!” Missy said. Then she knelt and pinched Mary’s cheek. “You’re just bored, aren’t you? This is no fun for a little girl like you. Maybe we can get you something to play with.”

“I’ve got something,” Marcus volunteered. He always brought toys with him to get his younger subjects to smile. He handed a plastic horse with a long pink tail to Mary, whose face lit up.

“Thank you,” Jill said, with as much relief as gratitude. “Come on, we have to put Susie’s dress back on.” She led the two girls away.

Marcus regarded Missy. Her precisely arranged hairdo had been completely undone by its encounter with the backdrop. “Would you like a minute to get yourself back together,” he asked.

“Oh yes, please.” Missy said.

Missy hurried off to the bathroom. Tammy suggested maybe they better go ahead and shoot the next person on the list while Missy cleaned up. “That’s me,” Henrietta said, striding over to the table.

Tammy peeked around her at the frazzled Boyer family. Mary and Susie were fighting over who got to play with the plastic horse. “Henrietta, do you think maybe we could let the Boyers go first?” she asked.

Henrietta fixed her with a steely gaze. “Who’s next on your list,” she demanded.

“You are,” Tammy sighed. Henrietta nodded triumphantly and strode over to the stool.

Marcus went to position Henrietta. “Don’t touch me,” Henrietta snapped. “You ought to show some respect for a lady, young man.”

“Okay,” Marcus said slowly. “Just put your hand in your lap then. And tilt your chin up.” Henrietta complied. “Now smile,” Marcus said.

Henrietta did not smile.

“Smile,” Marcus repeated louder.

“I’m not deaf,” Henrietta said. “I just prefer not to grin like a fool in my picture.”

“Don’t you want to look happy in your directory?”

“I’d rather look dignified.”

Marcus turned on the charm. “Come on, I bet you have a really pretty smile.”

“Mighty fresh, aren’t you,” Henrietta responded.

Marcus decided to try a joke. “What did the blue jay say to the robin,” he asked.

“I hate people who waste time telling stupid jokes?”

Marcus sighed. He was about to give up and take the picture when suddenly the plastic horse flew in and hit him in the groin. Marcus grunted and fell to his knees. Tears welled up in his eyes.
He looked at Henrietta who appeared as startled as he was. Then she bursts out laughing. Instinctively, Marcus pushed the plunger on the shutter release.

When the camera clicked, Henrietta stopped laughing. “Did you just take my picture?” she asked.

“Yep,” he said through clenched teeth. He checked the results on his laptop screen. Henrietta looked joyful and free spirited. Anyone who knew her would claim the photo didn’t capture her true nature at all.

“It’s great,” Marcus said. “Next!”

“Wait, wait,” Henrietta demanded, but it was too late. The Boyer family appeared and the two girls engaged in a game of tag around her. Kelly took Henrietta’s arm and led her away. When Henrietta saw the portrait, she was horrified.

“Would you like to order any photos,” Kelly asked.

“Certainly not,” Henrietta sniffed and walked out.

When the directory came out two months later, it contained the first picture of Henrietta smiling in church directory history.

(c) 2008 Douglas J. Eboch

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