The Greeter

Hear the story read by the author


In the town of Normal, Pennsylvania, there’s a little church at the corner of Wilson and Elm. Every month, church secretary Tammy Billings finds a member or two from the congregation to serve as greeter, welcoming people as they arrive for the service and handing them the bulletin. Though the job isn’t hard, Tammy found many people were hesitant to commit to arriving early every Sunday for a whole month. So she generally has to recruit from the same small pool of volunteers.

One month, however, Tammy was having difficulty finding a regular who was available. Then at coffee hour she noticed one of the newer members of the church, a woman named Missy Moore, munching on a cookie by herself. Missy was a heavy set woman (she preferred to say she was plump) of forty-four (she preferred to say she was celebrating the fifth anniversary of her thirty-ninth birthday).

Tammy approached holding her clipboard behind her back. People quickly learned that someone approaching them at church with a clipboard was probably looking for a volunteer for something. “Good morning, Missy,” she said.

“Hi!” Missy exclaimed. “You look like you could use a hug!” And Missy threw her arms around Tammy.

“Thank you,” Tammy said. “Listen, I’m in charge of finding greeters for church. Would you be interested?”

“Why sure!” Missy said.

Tammy was relieved. Maybe Missy would join her pool of regulars. Normally Tammy paired first timers with someone more experienced, but Missy was so resolutely optimistic and cheerful that Tammy figured she’d be able to handle the job on her own.

When Tammy arrived at the sanctuary on Missy’s first Sunday as greeter, she was a little surprised to find Missy was hugging each person as they entered. Tammy was well aware that Missy was a hugger, but she thought even Missy would tire of hugging every single person who came to church. Tammy underestimated Missy’s pep.

Though Tammy wasn’t the only one who was startled by Missy’s embrace, most people discovered they were in fact cheered up by the hugs and entered the service smiling. One person who was not cheered up, however, was Henrietta Miggins. Henrietta found Missy’s behavior unbecoming. “No wonder she never found a man,” Henrietta thought as she stiffly endured Missy’s warm squeeze.

When Henrietta strode toward Tammy during coffee hour, Tammy had little doubt about what was coming. “You have to tell that woman to stop groping people!” Henrietta sniffed.

If it had been anyone else complaining Tammy probably would have agreed and gently asked Missy to refrain from hugging while she was acting as official greeter. But Henrietta complained with such regularity that Tammy resented any criticism from her before it was even offered. “It’s just Missy’s style,” Tammy said.

“Well it’s disgraceful. Is this a church or some kind of foreign massage parlor?”

“If you don’t like the way she does it, you could always volunteer to be greeter next month,” Tammy shot back.

“Fine. I will,” Henrietta said.

That was not the response Tammy expected. She immediately regretted making the offer.

That regret only grew when she arrived at church the first Sunday of Henrietta’s month.

There was a short line waiting to get in. Tammy walked up just in time to hear Henrietta greet Jennifer O’Donnell, the pastor’s wife, who was wearing slacks. “I would have thought the pastor would want his wife to dress a little more feminine,” Henrietta told her.

“I’m old enough to dress myself,” Jennifer said as she snatched the bulletin from Henrietta.

Next in line were Jill Boyer and her two daughters, Mary and Susie, ages four and two respectively. Henrietta handed Jill a bulletin and asked, “where’s your husband today, Mrs. Boyer?”

“He’s not feeling well,” Jill said.

“Let me guess. Some kind of sporting event on TV?” Henrietta asked. Jill was too flustered to respond. She simply hustled her daughters inside.

Tammy was appalled but she figured yelling at Henrietta would only make it worse. So she forced herself to smile as she entered and said, “You’re doing a great job, Henrietta, but it might be nice if you complimented people when they came in.”

“You let Missy greet people with her hugs. This is my style.” Henrietta said.

“Yes, but you’re supposed to make people feel welcome. Not guilty.”

“Fine. I’ll do it your way,” Henrietta sniffed.

The next week Tammy loitered near the entrance to the sanctuary for a while so she could eavesdrop on Henrietta’s greetings.

Henrietta welcomed Florence Barker with a big smile and said, “It’s so good to see you here on time for a change!”

As Florence gave Henrietta the stink eye and strode inside, Henrietta glanced over at Tammy with a self-satisfied smirk. Heat rose in Tammy’s cheeks. She had tried to be nice, but now Henrietta was just goading her.

Before Tammy could intervene, though, the entire Boyer family arrived. Henrietta made a big point of looking Kevin Boyer up and down. He was wearing jeans and a polo shirt. “How nice that you feel comfortable enough to dress so casually for church. In my day that would have been considered disrespectful,” Henrietta told him.

Little Mary sidled close to her father and asked, “is she really a witch, Daddy?” Jill’s cheeks reddened and she shushed Mary. But Kevin nodded in the affirmative.

Henrietta’s jaw went tight but she kept smiling. She leaned down close and pinched Mary’s cheek. “Well, you aren’t shy at all, are you? It’s so wonderful how your parents’ generation encourages self expression instead of discipline in their children. We were always taught to honor our elders but I guess that kind of thing is old fashioned these days.”

“Your breath smells like fish,” Mary informed her.

That actually stunned Henrietta speechless. She stood up quickly and covered her mouth. Jill also covered her mouth, but failed to stifle a giggle. “Come on, girls,” Kevin said and led the family inside.

Henrietta pulled herself together and turned to greet the next person in line.

It was Missy Moore.

“You look like you could use a hug,” Missy said, and threw her arms around Henrietta, practically lifting her from the ground.

For the rest of the month Henrietta restricted her greetings to “welcome” and “good morning.”

(c) 2008 Douglas J. Eboch